friend-ship

friendship: there’s a time to be cautious and there's a time to follow your heart

i am not a good friend
nor that i am a good person
i am not a good person
nor that i am a perfect one

please don't judge me by what i did coz i might not turn out the person you used to think
please don't judge me by what i said coz sometimes it is only a sign of my immaturity

i couldn't live on my own and with that, i need friends to accompany me.
i am not capable of living alone and because of that, i need friends to be there when i'm alone

i know sometimes i've hurt people all around me
i know sometimes my selfishness annoyed many people
i know sometimes my childish makes people hates me
and i know that i am not perfect

i know that sometimes i can't afford to make people around me happy nor that i can offer them happiness


but one thing that i know,


i am trying to be a better person





befriends with me, will u?

ALLAH Maha Besar

came across this song and started to like it.
been played the same song for over and over and over again since 10 pm just now and it's already 3 am :P

by the way, the lyrics are really inspiring and besttt :) :)

Segala yang ada dalam hidupku
Kusedari semua milikMu
Ku hanya hambaMu yang berlumur dosa
Tunjukkan aku jalan lurusMu
Untuk menggapai SyurgaMu
Terangiku dalam setiap langkah hidupku

Kerana…
Kutahu…
Hanya Engkau…
Tuhanku…

Allahu Akbar
Allah Maha Besar
Ku memujaMu di setiap waktu

Hanyalah padaMu
Tempatku berteduh
Memohon redha dan ampunanMu
Tunjukkan aku jalan lurusMu
Untuk menggapai SyurgaMu
Terangiku dalam setiap langkah hidupku


edited from ungu-surgaMu

~~Without a family, man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold~~

andre maurois

jadi cikgu kena banyak sabar

petang tadi masuk kelas 3 cempaka, aku sempat adakan "heart to heart" talk sekejap.
aku bagitahu mereka yang apabila aku membebel bukan bermaksud aku tak suka
dan apabila aku marah, tak bermaksud aku benci.

"saya sayang kamu, sebab tu saya marah"
"sebab saya nak bagi kamu pandai dan jadi orang yang berguna"

"saya sayang kamu, sebab tu saya membebel"
"mcm mak kamu juga, dia membebel sebab dia sayang kamu"

"kamu sayang saya tak?"
"sayaaaannnnnngggggggg"
sejuk hati dengar murid2 kata mcm tu.

"kalau kamu sayang saya, kamu boleh tolong saya tak?"
"boleh"
"boleh"
"boleh"
"tolong apa cikgu?"

"boleh tak kalau saya masuk kelas, kamu behave dan tak nakal2, jangan kacau kawan semua?"
"boleeeeeeehhhhhhh cikgu"

rasa sayu sangat bilamana murid2 beri reaksi yang positif macam tu.
rasa berbaloi aku tidur lewat malam untuk siapkan lesson plan
rasa berbaloi aku habiskan sejumlah wang untuk belikan barang2 untuk murid-murid
serius, rasa berbaloi sangat2.

rasanya inilah kepuasan seorang guru.

aku ada 2 orang pelajar yang nakal. bukan nakal, agak tidak bekerjasama di dalam kelas.

idris. aduh, budak ni sangatlah aktif dalam kelas. tak boleh duduk diam walaupun untuk seminit. mesti nak usik kawan, mesti nak jalan2 dalam kelas, mesti nak sembang2 dengan kawan.
tapi, kalau disuruh jawab soalan atau beri jawapan, pasti dia akan tunduk kepala dia. rapat-rapat ke bawah.

tadi, bila aku cakap baik-baik dengannya. dia angguk dan semyum. betul2 angguk. sebab dia selalu angguk sambil gelak-gelak, aku anggap anggukan tu tanda main-main. tapi tadi, aku tahu anggukan tu ikhlas.

sorang lagi, shahrizuan. nakal tapi nakal yang bermakna. dia mahukan perhatian aku rupanya. aku tak pernah sedar masa minggu awal di sekolah tu, bila dah beberapa hari di situ, di kelas tu, barulah aku tahu, dia nakal yang bermakna.
dia selalu saja tak bawa buku, dan selalu saja sorokkan kotak pensil kawan. bila aku pergi pada dia dan tanya elok2, dia mcm suka aku beri perhatian padanya. dan dia willingly akan buat apa yang aku suruh.

petang tadi, aku terjumpa dia dan aku bagitahu dia
"shahrizuan, cikgu nak minta tolong boleh tak?
"tolong? tolong apa cikgu? boleh boleh?
"esok kamu janganlah nakal dalam kelas. esok cikgu liyana nak tengok saya ajar kamu, kalau kamu nakal2, nanti habislah saya. jadi, esok kamu janganlah nakal dan usik kawan kamu. boleh?"

dia senyum. angguk banyak kali tanda setuju.
aku pegang bahunya, supaya anggukan itu lebih ikhlas lagi.

macam ni lah jadi cikgu. kena sabar hadapi kerenah budak2 yang macam-macam.
tapi, inilah jalan yang aku pilih.
insyaALLAH aku boleh lakukannya.

:)

p/s: aku rasa nak menangis je bila teringat balik T_T

teaching practice lagi :P

salam and hi to all,

only ALLAH knows how exhausted i am today! although there's only one period lesson and no relief classes, but still the feeling of tired is there. i don't know whether it is the feeling itself which made me very tired throughout the day or the fact that it is only my childish mind. T_T

third day was definitely giving me a whole lot new experience of being a teacher. apart from delivering the lesson, i think the utmost important things that a teacher should master at is how to control the class and how to attract them towards the teaching in class.

and today, would be my second day of meeting my students[which would be happily taught by me :P so sarcastic] and yet the feeling of nervous was still there!! OH MY! why i need to feel nervous when they are only standard 3 students whose mature level is lower than me? yeah, i have answers for that.

fyi, the school that i got was very good in terms of the student's proficiency. even the penyelia petang already told both of us that most of the students are from english speaking family,meaning that our language level should be up to their standard lah! if not, they will only makes fun to both of us. aiyohhh...this really gave me headache. with my not-so-good communication skills and my quite clumsy attitude, i could really-really feel the burden!

what made me felt a bit down was when one of the students "sound" me with "teacher, you are wasting our time la" when i didn't manage to finish up the sentences which i want them to do as their homework. i was like !!!!!!$#%@%#^$%&*^&*^*@#!#
[only ALLAH knows how i feel inside], but luckily a question from a student able to make me feel a bit consoled. if not, i might ended up doing something i cannot imagine for that time being.

being in that class makes me remember the feeling of me being interviewed by 37 peoples whose eyes would never leave my face even for a second! which of course made me lagi nervous!

it's not that i'm complaining about the school or what, but i guess this is the reality that i have to face. and i would say that this would definitely be priceless experience for me since i didn't know where i am going to be posted soon. so, just bear and adapt yourself with the environment. don't let the situation overruled you!

on a good side, i'm able to show them my "garang" face which i myself find it a bit fake but it's ok since i got them controlled in my hand! muahahahahah...they are slightly afraid of me when i show that "garang" face and thus, half of the work is done! ALHAMDULILLAH :)
maybe after this, step by step, i'll start to show them the true me----> the "lembut" one, the "baik" one and the "tak kisah" one, the "sporting" one...heheheh :PPPPP.
[tadipun ade students ajak main kuiz, hampir2 saja mahu ikut kata mereka tapi bila memikirkan 2 minggu terawal ni tak boleh main sangat dengan mereka an perlu menunjukkan muka garang dan serius, jadi saya pasrah sahaja]

oklah, got to go,
loads and loads of work are wait for me very patiently [cemburu la tu saya boleh break sekejap from work :P]

till then,

salam and bye bye bye

2nd day at school: the verdict

PENAT

PENAT

PENAT

PENAT

PENAT

PENAT

PENAT

PENAT


aduish, ini bukan lagi jadi cikgu as in real lagi ni, baru je praktikum, aku dah hampir2 nak angkat bendera putih. sabar ye hatiku, lagi beberapa bulan saje lagi, lepas tu MERDEKAAAA!!

actually, it was not that i don't like being at the school or the fact that i don't like to teach, but i guess the exhausted part is the most unbearable for me. it was very tiring having to control a bunch of active homosapiens[let me just call them this, can ah? their enery level is higher that human, you know :P] especially when it involved lower primary school kids.

i really thanked ALLAH for He made it quite easy for me since i got year 3 students to teach English, if not, i'm deadddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

yet, i'm quite happy with myself since i'm able to show my "garang" face when i'm with them although there were some jokes cracked by them which almost made me want to burst into laugh! [aiyoh, cannot tahan la]. just like what the GPK had told us, don't ever show ur "lembut"ness or "baik"ness in front of them especially during 1st and 2nd week, if not they'll bully u! first impression is the utmost important. after that, slowly u'll be able to control anc tackle them step by step.

and yeah, I WILL DEFINITELY FOLLOW THAT, PUAN! muahahahahaha....

another thing which makes me almost got the shock of the day is when they asked me whether i have facebook account! i was like, ya ALLAH, they are really 21st century kids la! so advanced with technology. but, i ended up asking them to googled my name and search if by themselves, if they're able to find it, then just add me [tapi belum tentu lagi sya nak approve la kot, for this time being ..hehe :P]

adeyh, just bear with my practicum story ye my dear readers[bajet mcm ramai org bace "P], ini je yg terdaya untuk dicoretkan buat masa ni.

oklah, i guess i need to continue with my work. need to finish it quick!
tak boleh procrastinate lagi!

byeeeee

p/s: baru hari kedua dah rasa upside down.

good evening teacher illi! :P

salam and hi to all,

yes, the title says it all. so, just bear with me if i only brag about how my first day at school was. i know it might sound boring to some of you. heh~~

i don't know how to describe the feeling upon being greeted [the one which i put as the title]by the students form the class which i happened to observed today. i guess it was a mixture of different feelings [can't believe that i'm gonna be a teacher soon, yesss sooonerrrr :P]
and i will still keep on praying hard that my practicum will be a great start for me as a teacher. AMEEN. INSYAALLAH :):)

hari pertama di sekolah, walaupun penat tapi rasanya aku suka kot perasaan penat macam ni. lebih pada perasaan puas lah. kenapa? entahlah, indescribable lah benda-benda macam ni...hehehe.

first impression tu sangat penting dan kadang2 aku rasa aku tersilap menilai certain things. the same goes to the school. mungkin aku rasakan tekanan high expectation dari pihak sekolah and thus, bring myself a bit down. but, selagi kita tak kenal, selagi tu kita tak akan cinta. so, get to know it first before simply making any assumptions.

cikgu2 sangat ok dan friendly dan baik dan helpful dan understanding. GB sangat bermotivasi[kaunselor katakan]. penyelia petang dah selamat ditackle hatinya setelah kitorang set quite a good record for her. penolong kanan yang baik dan friendly. overall, a very condusive working environment. insyaALLAH sentiasa bersangka baik dengan ALLAH dan orang2 sekeliling :)

oklah, nak sambung buat lesson plan [curi msa sebentar]
till then,

salam and bye bye bye


p/s: hoping for a BETTER tomorrow ^_^

the real meaning of friendship

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me!
when you're not strong
and I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
for it won't be long
'till I'm gonna need
somebody to lean on

If
there is a load!
you have to bare
that you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
if you just call me

Call me if you need a friend
Call me any time of day

taken from the lyrics "lean on me" from "glee cast"

i really mean it, friends!
just LEAN ON ME :)

praktikal ke praktikum?

salam and hi to all,

today will be my first day of practical in school and i'm quite nervous bout dat. well, i guess it's a common thing among all the cohort 4 comrades. heh~ honestly, i don't know what to expect and i just hope for the best! AMEEN.

to tell the truth, i am not really happy with my practical, on certain reasons[just let me keep it to myself] but i guess ALLAH knows all. there must be reasons why He gave me this trial and i just want to accept anything that He gave to me. i'm positive that at the end of the day, i will see what is the "thing" He want me to learn.

hahahahaha...guess what, i got the afternoon session school and i bet the experience would be really different from what i have before. i've never been to school with 2 sessions nor i've ever experienced it. well, just wait and see :)

ok lah,
got to go and till then,

salam and bye bye bye

p/s: semua kawan2 saya sudah tido kerana mereka mahu bangun awal untuk ke sekolah esok pagi, tetapi saya masih menghadap lappy kerana saya sekolah petang T_T

i ain't perfect

i'm not perfect nor that i'm kind
some people will hate me just because i'm me
and sometimes, i hate myself too!

i don't have the reason why i am saying all these craps(or maybe this isn't a crap)

i really feel alone right now and spill myself here comforts me a bit.
This is one of the use of blog which i favor the most.

emotions breakdown :(

And for that, i am truly sorry T_T

alone

salam and hi to all,

rasanya semenjak 2 menjak ni life just doesn't mean for me. entahlah .aku tak tau sebab apa.

i feel alone.

T_T

all praise is due to ALLAH :)

salam and hi to all,

dah lama jugak rasanya tak update blog ni, sejak last aku berblogging di rumah. sedihnya rasa tinggalkan umah T_T;
[bukan apa, bila duduk KL sorang2 ni, rasa cm pilu+sayu+sedih, kdg2 rasa mcm keseorangan je dekat tempat org, family jauh dah, kawan2 jelah yang ada]
[tambah sedih lagi bila teringat dekat umah, ada mak ayah, adik bradik kita, semuanyalah]

tu belum pergi oversea lagi tu, kalao pegi[moga2 satu hari nanti tercapai] mcm manalah gamaknya keadaan aku?? hmmmm....alamatnya mati sebab rindu kot :P
aduihhh...takpalah, kalau tak, bila masa pulak orang kata pergi berjihad untuk belajar, ye dak?tengah sedapkan ati sendiri sebenarnya.

oklah, back to topic2 yg tak bosan.

owyeah, hari ni ada briefing pasal teaching practice.yang akan berjalan mulai dari 12 julai sampai 1 oktober 2010. dan segala teka-teki yang bermain-main di minda kitorang akhirnya terjawab sudah! dapat sekolah mana dan siapa supervisor pun dah diketahui. berdebar jugaklah sebelum boleh nak tahu sekolah tu. kecut perut, bukan apa, takut2 dapat sekolah yang agak jauh dari rumah dan supervisor yang mcm garang skit, aduishh mcm mana nak tahan selama 3 bulan+++ tu?

tpi ALHAMDULILLAH syukur nikmat,sekolah yang aku dapat tu dekat jugak dengan rumah, kira2 15 minit perjalanan dan ALHAMDULILLAH sekali lagi sebab supervisor aku pun ok. syukur sangat2 YA ALLAH, atas kurniaanMu! tak dapat nak kata apa lagi. i just hope for the best, at least, for this time being. pegang pada apa yang ma selalu cakap, "think positive ".

kesian jugak dekat kawan2 aku yang dapat sekolah jauh dari rumah, tapi apakan daya, terpaksalah terima apa2 jua keputusan yang telah dibuat. takpalah kawan2 ku sekalian, "be positive" k. just leave it to ALLAH, may He grant u with ease! ameen :):)

sekejap saje masa berlalu rasanya, tambah2 bila dah bergelar final year student ni. maybe aku agak jauh terkebelakang skit kalau nak dibandingkan dengan kawan2 aku yang lain, semuanya bakal bergelar graduan dan hanya tunggu konvo sja dan ade jugak yang dah masuk alam pekerjaan. yelah, maunya tak lama, 6 tahun kot belajar nak jadi cikgu, tu pun, kalau dulu2 masa zaman tak tahu apa2 lagi, "alah, cikgu je". hehehe...huishhh...lama tu memang lah lama, tapi bila difikir-fikir balik, takpalah, at least dah diguarantee dengan kerja dan tak payah fikir2 nak bayar duit PTPTN ke apa ke, cuma peru bersabar setahun je lagi sementara nak tunggu habis, takut pulak lepas ni malas nak kerja, sebab still nak duduk dalam alam belajar dan bergelar student. bukan apa, tak puas lagi dimanja2kan..hehe :P

oklah, nak out dulu ye.

till then,
salam and bye bye bye