why things can't be the same they used to be?

school holidays was just over and it was not really holidays for me, i would say. i was quite busy helping and arranging things for my cousin's wedding. the first cousin who got married in the family. so i guess you can imagine the excitement and the happiness surrounded everyone for almost everyday towards the big day.

so problems aside and i went home with an empty heart, leaving all the workloads and problems i encountered in schools. and for the first time since i started my life here in langkawi, i feel peace , in my heart. really. and my mind was all set for holidays. no other things.

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i guess life has taught me many things lately, especially. the whole different lessons from the one i got during my life as a student. well, maybe i'm becoming more and more matured then only i get to see other side of life, which i didn't favor at all. as what they said, life must go on, so yeah just go with the flow.

i've been praying very hard to Him the Almighty to get rid of my bad behaviour and my short-tempered, seriously. i didn't know why on earth nowadays i get emotional very easy, seriously and seriously. and I HATE THIS! i hate it when i'm emotional and involved others as well, especially my family. i want things to go back as normal again, the time when i just keep everything to myself and when i'm emotional, i still keep things to myself. coz its ok for me to get hurt rather than seeing others being hurt by me. its saddening and pathetic i know.

i hate myself now. capital SERIOUSLY!