Sunday, July 21, 2013

bila rasa itu muncul

rasa itu kembali lagi setelah lama menghilang.
aku tak suka rasa yang satu ini, sebab ia buat aku terluka dan kecewa.
walaupun aku sendiri tak tahu sebabnya aku jadi begitu.

kadang-kadang aku rasa tidak adil kerana aku saja yang jadi mangsanya, sedangkan dia
tapi bila difikirkan kembali, wujudkah perasaan itu walau sekelumit di dalam hati dia?
sungguh aku tak tahu, dan hampir kadang malas untuk ambil tahu.
tapi semakin lama aku tipu diri sendiri, semakin banyak ia menghantui aku.

aku hanya insan biasa, punya hati yang paling dalam.
hati yang paling dalam itulah hati yang paling 'fragile' bak kata kawan-kawan,
ya, aku tak nafikan. memang aku ini sensitif dan cengeng, cepat saja air mata dan aku berkawan rapat.

Ya Allah Kau hilangkanlah rasa dalam hati aku ini.
aku dah tak sanggup nak berharap pada sesuatu yang tak pasti dan sesuatu yang mungkin bukan tertulis untuk aku lansung.
selama ini hanya harapan palsu yang aku selalu titipkan pada hati aku yang terpaling dalam itu.
dan cukuplah,

aku sudah tak mahu jadi penipu lagi.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

i love being random :D

Dunia takkan berakhir
Walau kini engkau tak disisi
Ku yakini aku mampu
Walau harus hidup tanpamu
(sakura, setelah hujan)

it's already 7th of Ramadhan, which means it has been a week of fasting month. and i really really feel that time do fly very fast nowadays.

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me chances to 'taste' this holy month once again. i hope i'll be able to change for the better day by day, Ramadhan was actually the 'special' month that i have been waited throughout the year. i feel closer to Him the Almighty during Ramadhan and most impoertantly, i feel safe (not sure for what reason, but i did) and all the naughty negative thinking will dissapear during Ramadhan!

well, that's all for now. cheerio!
but before that enjoy some interesting quotes:

" we might be trapped with our gruesome experience of negative upbringing but we forgot that we still have the choice. it's in our hand. we decide" mac taylor, csi:ny season 9 ep 2

" live hell or live well, we decide" - hlovate

Friday, July 5, 2013

upside down

arg tensennya!

air takde kat kuarters.
makanan dalam peti dah habis (leftover foods je ada :( )
kredit dah tamat tempoh, which means bbm takboleh guna
dahlah tinggal sengsorang tanpa housemate

all in ONE DAY!

i need my comfort food now, tapi nak masak camna air takde kat sini :(

and first time tengok dan alami sendiri macam mana keadaan langkawi yang sedang banjir
kalau dulu, pernah jugak terfikir macam mana pulau sekecil langkawi ni akan jadi kalau banjir, sekarang siap boleh tengok depan mata 'kolam sawah padi'

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

spring song

I wish I had someone; who suddenly arrive
And show me how the flowers grow and come out in winter field
I wish I had someone new; tender to my heart
Someone who will share me precious time

If I had pretty spring; at the corner of my heart
I will say goodbye to winter land, you so cruel the winter wind
and I will check the through the phone, the number is 131
Don’t you know the truth is in fine weather

Friday, June 28, 2013

pervert taxi driver

yes, perverts.
in one of my days in langkawi, such a horrific experience.

that was my first encountered with perverts in langkawi and it happened to be the taxi driver! it was such a seriously scary and horrifying 30 minutes in my whole life.

my first impression of that taxi driver was quite positive; by looking at his age and talkativeness, but i guess somehow it was wrong to judge people by their outer appearance(in addition to the fact that it was my first time meeting with that kind of taxi driver)

and his talkativeness just crossed over the line when he started to ask me to call him 'abang' (eeuuww) instead of pakcik (what i call him earlier) and it gets pretty annoying and uncomfortable when he started to tell me things he was not supposed to tell outsiders about (u know what)

at that point, i began to 'read' the situation in the so-called taxi and what kind of conversation he was going to direct.
that he told me how lonely he was since his wife had just met with an accident,
that he showed me his old broken taxi,
that he told me men can get married to more than one wife but it's just women who wouldn't allow them to do so,

and how i lied by telling him i'd already engaged when he was telling me 'ruginya kalau dak baru ingat nak masuk' (read: flirting)

being a petrified and panic person i am, i quickly text-ed my sister to give me a call though at first she refused to do so. i secretly told her about the tax driver and Alhamdulillah, i really thanked ALLAH for He protect me from any unwanted and unpleasant things.

moral of the story: don't judge people by their outer appearance 

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

that little escapism

Alhamdulillah i managed to pull through 13 days of 'ganti puasa' so far, without gastritis attacked me. i really hope i'll be able to 'pay' my fasting debts before the next Ramadhan coming up.

Alhamdulillah again, because i get to rest a bit tonight apart from my weekly-Tuesday-nights-routine; volunteering myself for math's extra class at school. and it really feel different to be able to have this time all on my own. priceless. ahh

i've been busy every night after school (i'm at evening session) with tuition classes and extra classes and camps etc. thus getting this little escapism i would call it, really makes me a happy girl at that :)

and tomorrow, back to normal routine. (still in denial state)

remember the word #escapism that i wrote in my previous entry? i guess having this 'me-time' can also be considered as little escapism, in the sense of escaping from busy life for a while.

and i came across a blog which wrote about little things that made her happy, and i guess i wanted to make that list too!uhm maybe in my next post :)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

#throwback: my korean drama madness

it has been quite sometimes since i really followed drama series be it malay, english, korean or japanese. and now i'm addicted to korean drama series, a gentleman's dignity! one of the reason why i had to follow that series was because of the lead actor, jang dong gun. 
he never failed to amaze me with his acting skills as well as his charm look :D
and this is his first comeback after 12 years! wow

since i do not favour sad love story, hence this drama met my expectations. seriously korean dramas have been very cliche now and most of them rather portray the same story line again and again, and this comedic really prove me wrong. with all sorts of emotions; funny, romantic, serious, a bit sad, it really made me glued to my laptop screen (since i don't own a tv here in langkawi)

i have yet to finish watching the series though i already knew the ending (thanks to dramabeans) and i really enjoyed them so far. and i guess this drama will go to my favourite list along with king 2 hearts, 7th grade civil servant, all about eve and sungkyunkwan scandal.

p/s: why on earth am i writing a blog entry abut korean drama? i must've been outta my usual self. ahaks

Saturday, June 22, 2013

random post

i was so determined to write again after a very very long hiatus. the urge and  excitement that i used to feel when i write before, i desperately wanted to 'taste' that again. but i just don't know what to write. i guess i had already lost that 'touch' again. sigh

life has been quite smooth these days; with unexpected things happened around me and unexpected person asking and showing me too much questions, information, news. that was capital TOO MUCH and i don't think i can bear with that. escapism, the only thing i had in mind right now.

ramadhan is coming very very soon, it's like more or less 2 weeks from now, and i'm still struggling to replace those fasting 'holidays' i had last year, and most of that was because of my gastritis. seriously it was wayy too hard to 'ganti puasa' during non-fasting months since the temptation is higher than the holy month itself. imagine your colleagues are drinking iced tea right in front of your face during a hot sunny day! gahh that was really challenging i can tell.

but being me, the last minute person, i had no choice but to endure that 'pain'. 

nevermind, i don't have to eat and can diet *try to have positive thoughts throughout my 15 days of ganti puasa!*

yess, you read it correct, 15 freaking days of ganti puasa! can you imagine that? 

me?? pengsan dah *_*

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right  
Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear
'Cause though the truth may vary  

This ship will carry 
Our bodies safe to shore
'little talks'-of monsters and men

i'm a heavy thinker these days, seriously. lots of things began to play in my mind, everything. from the biggest to the smallest little things. and i just don't have any idea why i was like that :(

oh please, can i have my old life back?
that life when i don't have to think that much; workloads and workloads and workloads and problems and money and problems again and money again. 
seriously, that was a never ending list i tell you.
though i really love my job, being a teacher that is, but sometimes i just can't resist the pressure and tense. ironically i like to be a busy bee, because i feel like my time were preoccupied with something. 
 it's like, "hey at least i got something to do", things that i can make myself busy (or rather seems busy, though it may not be like it)
but at the end of the day, there's still a hole inside me. EMPTINESS.
penyakit apakah yang telah melanda diriku? 

my best friend's wedding

p/s: gambar suka-suka

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

school stories part 2

i've shared some of my school stories in here last year, and still found them funny. hahaha. so, i'm going to share another stories, about them kiddos; their innocent nature and hidden talent as a joker :D


i'm teaching mathematics for this one class, the first class of standard 2. there are lots (MANY) naughty and cheeky little kids in this class, and i can assure you won't have any pressure teaching these types of kids. their cheekiness and boldness can sometimes drive you crazy. haha.

one day, after giving them work and get them busy with those numbers, i called several pupils to the teacher's desk to check their book. three boys(the naughtiest in class) and a girl came to me with their books.

adam: teacher ni apa benda ni? (while referring to some ornaments he's been playing with on my handbag)
teacher illi: jangan main dengan handbag teacher. bak sini buku awak (take the bag and put it further from him)

and i continued with checking and marking their books without noticing what's happening with them boys and my handbag.

after a while, i heard some giggles and laughter, very close to my ears. i looked up and saw them busy playing with it, one of them were 'sweeping' the desk with that ornament and another two applying the ornament on their cheek and make it looks like a blusher brush.

 on the left; the so-called broom and blusher brush  :D

oh my goodness, ALLAH please give me strength to go through this.


in my class, 3 intelek. the last class. i had this tendency since i first taught last year; i like to initiate a word and let them students continue to what i mean. for example,

teacher illi: ok class, what is this? (showing them a picture of dessert- custard pudding)
students: ...........
teacher illi: ok, again. class, do you know what is this? puddd... (with the intention they will continue with the word pudding)
students: pudarrrr! (with absolute confident)
teacher illi: no, this is pudding. now repeat after me. PUDDING.
students: PUDDING.
teacher illi: good, well done class! ok now pudding is a type of dessert. do you know what is the meaning of dessert? (i already taught them the word last year)
students: .....................
teacher illi: pencuci......( tolonglah sambung ayat teacher ni =.=')
student A: pencuci tangan.
student B: pencuci gigi
student C: wei, salahlah. pencuci tandas kan teacher?
teacher illi: %$^#%$^&*()*&(^$#@#!@ (seriously rasa nak hempas muka ke dinding =.=')


in a relief class, 2 cemerlang. there was this one boy, radzmer israf, he's not that well, i mean he can be considered as one of those special needy kid yet he's such a brilliant boy. he's gifted with spontaneous reaction. seriously!

i had to relief an english class and being an opportunist that i am, i decided to taught them english. i taught them about ordinal numbers, first second third yada yada yada.

in the middle of my teaching, he suddenly stood up and yelled, first! first! first! first! first! and another second he sat down and went completely silent.

i was quite shocked and went blur of what had just happen. after a while, i chose to ignore that.

the same thing happen again, this time he went up to the front, took the marker from me and wrote down his name on the whiteboard. RADZMER ISRAF. a big one.

and went up to me again to give the marker back, he continued 'strolling' around the class like a boss, like there's nothing happen in the class leaving me with question marks on my face!

and i quickly felt dizzy afterwards =.='


several parents went to the staffroom to give the money for PTA's fund, and they happened to search for my colleagues, kak wani but she wasn't there. so i decided to entertain and asking them how can i help. they handed me the money for the fund on behalf of their kids and i promised to give the money once kak wani is back in staffroom.

so i continue with my work and totally forgot about the money. during recess, one of kak wani's students cried and said he wanted to go back. so she asked the boy to wait for her in the staffroom. the second he saw me, he quickly went

student d: teacher ni yang ambik duit saya tadi tu teacher wani. (while crying)
kak wani: ??
me: ?????
kak wani: duit apa? takkan teacher illi ambik duit kamu?
student d: tadi saya nampak dia ambik duit mak saya bagi kat teacher.
me: opss kak wani sori terlupa nak bagi duit PIBG. ada parents nak jumpa tdi tapi kak wani takdak, jadi dia wakilkan saya bagi duit pada kak wani. (handed the money over to kak wani)
student d: haa kan betul teacher. teacher ni amik duit saya tadi. (suddelny he stopped crying)
me: ???
kak wani: sabaq la illi, bebudak ni bukanny faham pun orang mintak tolong. hahaha ignore ja.
me: ???? (still tak puas hati tak pasal2 dituduh ambil duit pelajar)

after a while, kak wani told me the boy doesn't want to go back. he already found what he lost, the money that i took! :(


no matter what, i really enjoyed myself teaching innocent little kiddos. i love my job <3>

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

february 2013

it's been a while since i last wrote in here. i'm just plain lazy though ideas are flowing like waterfall (ceh!)

was quite busy preparing for the big day, and since it was the first time ever in my family hence the excitement is all over the place! we can't wait for the event actually and alhamdulillah, 90% of them preparations have been done successfully.

school routines and life has been normal these days, just like the other normal days. but this year many funny stories have been collected and i'm just waiting for the right time to wrote them down (coz i'm too lazy to put them together now :P)

that's all for now. cheerio!