my not so good raya story

Ramadhan had just passed by us, and left me with thousand memories of my first year 'celebrating' here in Langkawi. well many new things rose and happened; only in Ramadhan mind you :D

it felt like just yesterday we had been fasting and now it was time for raya, again.
raya celebration this year was way different from those we usually had every year. maybe due to inexistance of the elderlies, hence the difference. by not having them in the house, it actually add on to those so-called emptiness; both in our heart as much as the house itself. and it felt a bit awkward not to have any elderlies in the house, since we were so used with them tok and tokki being with us like forever, before.

seriously this raya was the worst for me, for there's no 'salam-cium-tangan-dengan-ma-pa-dan-tok' thingy and there's no photoshoot (so to speak) amongst us, after the prayers. guess what, it was even more happening when we went to our relatives and had a small celebration there. but i really did feel awkward since i was not that close with them.

my closest yet so far cousin, wa who had just married was for sure were  with her husband, and it left us 5 siblings on our own. thank God she was there on the first hari raya though they had to rush back to kedah after that. if not boredom would be our very word to describe our raya.

at the end of the day, i guess i should be prepared to experience the same raya next year since everyone's getting married and will definitely go back to their in laws house. well, lani's joining the group next year and she's been telling us that she'll be celebrated raya at kedah next year. sigh -.-

p/s: no official raya photo this year, hence no photo uploaded :P

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is here folks! Alhamdulillah ALLAH had been very kind for He let me alive to "taste" Ramdhan this year; once again. Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah :)

nothing much to be talked about during this holy month. and i'm going back home EVERY WEEK (yes, you read it correct, EVERY WEEK mind you :D ) to break fast and had 'sahur' with dear family. am so excited about it, though i'm used to break fast and had sahur with them friends for 6 years! haha couldn't care much since i'm closer to home when i'm in langkawi compared to kuala lumpur :D

well as usual the children's behaviour made my day, and having to see them during fasting month was truly an experience for me. hehe, funnier that i thought it would be. that stort would come later, ya!

as for now, gotta go. got things to attend to. take care and have a blessed Ramadhan everyone :)

perpisahan terasing

Di kala penuh ketakutan dengan badai kehidupan, 
Ku bersyukur adanya kamu , 
Biarlah kehilangan semua yang dimiliki di dunia, 
Asal masih adanya kamu - Anuar Zain, Sedetik Lebih

semakin meningkat dewasa semakin banyak benda yang berubah, di sekelilingku. dan jauh di sudut hati aku tak berapa gemarkan semua perubahan ini.
mungkin kerana aku bukanlah seorang yang mudah untuk terima perubahan tambahan pula kalau ia melibatkan perihal hidup peribadi.

 one of my favourite cousin, we are the 2nd child among 5 siblings and we are december babies :D

ever since my fav cousin and my bestest friend were married to their spouses, there's a little gap between us. i don't know why i had this feeling, could it be because of the close attachment between us?

well, i don't know.

seperti yang aku nyatakan dalam entri sebelum-sebelum ni, gambar hanya dapat menyimpan kenangan kita sahaja tapi tidak perasaan yang mengiringi kenangan itu.

mungkin aku juga perlu ikut jejak langkah mereka, tapi tunggulah 'masa' itu belum sampai lagi. insyaALLAH perancangan ALLAH tiada siapa yang tahu. 

school stories

one thing that i like the most being a teacher was the moments with the students. seriously you can never get angry with them! looking at their cute little innocent  faces definitely makes your heart melts in a second.

story 1
there was one time where i was so mad with the whole class since they forgot (or rather didn't finished my homework) to bring their book, and i ordered all of them to stand on their chair. suddenly a boy (the smallest in the class) came to me and said,

"teacher teacher tiba-tiba saya terjumpa buku saya dalam beg. tadi cari tak ada pun" with his innocent tone.
then i asked him,
"ooh magicnya buku awak ni. macam chipsmore pun ada, sekejap ada sekejap tak ada. habis tu homework teacher bagi semalam siap tak?"
"hehe terlupa nak buatlah teacher. semalam pi mengaji quran"
"lepas mengaji kan boleh buat?"
"lepas mengaji selalunya saya tengok tv pastu saya kena tidoq dah"

i don't have anything much to say afterwards.

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story 2
i was teaching standard 2 (last class) about phonemes, sounds and such. as i was busy pronouncing all those silly sounds ( peh, deh, keh, leh, meh etc), several students said loudly,

"teacher pasai apa bunyi dia pelik sangat?"
"teacher dalam bahasa bi ni memang a b c depa bunyi lain eh?"

while these boys were busy complaining and chit chatting about the silly sounds, the other students continue with the phonemes (sounds very convincing)

"pah"
"dah"
"mah"
"lah"

teacher mereka? cepuk dan tepuk dahi. ingat ni nama jiran kamu semua ke? adoi pengsanlah saya macam ni

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story 3
it was my school sports day and i was in charged with all the so-called athletes and little participants for sukaneka. most of those who took part in sukaneka was from standard 1 and 2. as i was approaching them to take their names and line up, suddenly a boy came and gave his name.

"teacher nama saya tulis dak lagi?"
"nama kamu apa?"
"ahmad zahid, 2B"
"ok teacher dah tulis, now pergi beratur kat belakang kawan kamu tu" (with finger pointing to the boys' line)

while walking to his friend, sempat lagi dia cakap 


"banyaknya benda putih-putih bintik-bintik atas muka teacher" (read: jerawat)

teacher illi: &(*%^$%#@^?!"

******************************************************

story 4
in my class and i'm sitting at teacher's desk, marking their books one by one with them standing besides me. 
now it's this boy's turn, he went to me smiling and listening to my comments about his book.
after i'm done with him, he suddenly sai,

"teacher ada apa kat bawah mulut teacher yang warna putih tu?"
"haa? kat bawah mulut teacher? ada apa?"
"tu ada teacher kat bawah tu, dia macam warna putih camtu"

meraba-raba bawah mulut dan ,

"haih jerawat bawah mulut pun dia nak tegur" (dalam hati)
-.-

kids are still kids, very innocent. apa yang mereka nampak, itulah yang akan diberitahu kepada kita

melewati waktu itu

Looking back on younger days, the time has passed, And nothing stays the same, Hey Hey Hey! - Walk Away, Dia Frampton 

adalah susah untuk kita lewati kembali waktu-waktu yang telah pergi, semua memori itu hanya akan terlipat kemas dalam ingatan sahaja. maka sebab itu kita akan membuat sesuatu untuk buatkan kenangan itu kekal, salah satunya dengan menangkap gambar. ya, itulah cara yang paling mudah dan well, terkini seperti zaman sekarang.

namun perasaan yang mengiringi kenangan itu tak mungkin dapat di'letak'kan diatas foto. hanya akan tersimpan di sanubari.

 

 aku tak punya harta melainkan mereka-mereka ini <3

them cousins :)

love of my life :D

my bestest cousin in crime a.k.a kawan kacip bak kata lanie  :)

 le siblings in le polaroid

lastly, nah bunga untuk kamu :P

bila rasa itu datang

Cubalah tuk mengerti aku, Seperti aku yang mengerti semua tentang dirimu- 3 Suara; Semua Isi Hatimu

oleh sebab aku rasa nak tulis kat sini sangat-sangat, jadi lahirlah entri ini :D

belakangan ni aku selalu terasa teringin nak menulis balik, seperti yang aku pernah buat masa dulu-dulu. dan aku rasa aku banyak in denial sekarang ni, kenapa? sebab sikap aku yang selalu suka bertangguh buatkan aku selalu 'menuduh' masa tak pernah cukup untuk aku walhal sebenarnya bukanlah sibuk manapun. aku masih lagi mampu untuk menulis barang satu atau dua bab, but being me, a real procrastinator i am.

aku masih lagi punyai sikap-sikap negatif yang aku rasa banyak merugikan diri aku sendiri. tak perlulah untuk aku senaraikan apakah sikap-sikap itu, cukuplah hanya kawan-kawan rapat dan keluarga terdekat sahaja yang 'telan' fakta itu. aku maklum bahawa bukanlah satu kesalahan jika aku ini tak sempurna, aku tahu semua orang tak sempurna, ALLAH sahaja :)

dan aku dalam proses untuk membuang semua sikap-sikap itu sikit demi sedikit. memang agak payah untuk terus buangnya sebab ia dah sebati dengan aku selama 25 tahun yang lepas tapi with a strong will, nothing is impossible.

banyak cerita langkawi yang aku nak kongsikan tapi mungkin di entri seterusnya pula.

motif gambar? saje saje sebab aku tengah gila dengan drama ni jadi aku letaklah gambar ni :D

why things can't be the same they used to be?

school holidays was just over and it was not really holidays for me, i would say. i was quite busy helping and arranging things for my cousin's wedding. the first cousin who got married in the family. so i guess you can imagine the excitement and the happiness surrounded everyone for almost everyday towards the big day.

so problems aside and i went home with an empty heart, leaving all the workloads and problems i encountered in schools. and for the first time since i started my life here in langkawi, i feel peace , in my heart. really. and my mind was all set for holidays. no other things.

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i guess life has taught me many things lately, especially. the whole different lessons from the one i got during my life as a student. well, maybe i'm becoming more and more matured then only i get to see other side of life, which i didn't favor at all. as what they said, life must go on, so yeah just go with the flow.

i've been praying very hard to Him the Almighty to get rid of my bad behaviour and my short-tempered, seriously. i didn't know why on earth nowadays i get emotional very easy, seriously and seriously. and I HATE THIS! i hate it when i'm emotional and involved others as well, especially my family. i want things to go back as normal again, the time when i just keep everything to myself and when i'm emotional, i still keep things to myself. coz its ok for me to get hurt rather than seeing others being hurt by me. its saddening and pathetic i know.

i hate myself now. capital SERIOUSLY!